by Richard Lederer
Let's face it: English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hotdog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine/ˈkeɪnaɪn/.
让我们面对现实吧：英语是一门疯狂的语言。
茄子里没有鸡蛋，汉堡包里也没有火腿;
菠萝里既没有苹果也没有松树。
虽然没人知道热狗里有什么，
你可以很肯定它不是狗。
English muffins were not invented in England
nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
英式松饼不是英国发明的
法国也没有炸薯条。
Sweetmeats是糖果，sweetbreads是杂碎，
杂碎不甜，它们是肉。
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea /ˈɡɪni/ pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write,
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce,
and hammers don't ham?
我们认为英语是理所当然的。
但如果我们探究它的悖论，
我们发现流沙作用缓慢，
拳击台是方形的，
豚鼠既不是来自几内亚，也不是猪。
为什么作家会写，
但手指不会碰，杂货商不会杂货，
锤子不能做火腿?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, 2 mice.
One louse, 2 lice.
One house, 2 hice ?
如果牙齿的复数是teeth，
为什么booth的复数不是beeth?
一只鹅，两只鹅。一只驼鹿，两只麋鹿?
cheese是choose的复数形式吗?
一只老鼠，两只老鼠。
一个虱子，两个虱子。
一间房子，两先令?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
如果老师教书，为什么传教士不说教?
如果一个素食主义者吃蔬菜，
人道主义者吃什么?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
为什么人们会在戏剧中背诵，在独奏会上演奏?
用卡车或汽车运输，然后用船运?
鼻子会跑，脚会闻味道?
在车道上停车，在停车道上开车?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as Hell one day
and cold as Hell another?
渺茫的机会和渺茫的机会怎么可能是一样的，
而智者和聪明人是对立的?
怎么会有一天天气热得像地狱一样
又冷得像地狱一样?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out
and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
You get in and out of a car,
yet you get on and off a bus.
房子烧了，就烧了。
你可以通过填写来填写表格
闹钟的闹钟响了。
你在车里进进出出，
但你却上了又下公共汽车。
When the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,
but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
当星星出来的时候，它们是可见的，
但当灯灭了，它们就看不见了。
为什么，当我上了发条，我就开始计时，
但当我写完这篇文章，我就结束了?
English is a silly language ...
it doesn't know if it is coming or going !!
英语是一门愚蠢的语言……
它不知道自己是来是走!!
